Think about it, when someone shares a story with you whether it’s a small anecdote about his day or her whole life story a mood is conveyed. You feel a certain way about the person who lived the story, the players in the story and the ending of the story. It’s an energy both the storyteller and the story itself bring to the table and with which you are surrounded as the listener.
Society bestows on us some pretty heavy narratives when we lose a child. Over time we often feel a pressure from that same society to put our story away and make a new one that isn’t so uncomfortable, so heartbreaking for others to hear. And then there’s our own community of bereaved parents, some carry the weight of the pain the rest of their lives as the main narrative and conversely, others seem to dust themselves off and be in the flurry of life in little time. It’s easy to hear other parents’ stories and believe they are somehow telling us how we should write our story. But here’s the thing. It’s YOUR story, not anyone else’s. YOU get to choose the energy and the ending.
Your story of losing a child for good reason carries an energy of sadness, of pain. It can also bring so many other energies…before reading any further, stop think of 3 that come to mind immediately for you in this moment. Over time the energies I’ve brought to my story have shifted and changed. To me that’s good! It’s a reflection of growth, of moving through different places in my journey. In the beginning (and when I say beginning I mean years, not months) my pain was almost so unbearable and sacred that I shared my story very little, and when I did it was out of necessity, like asking for an extension on a college project because my brain simply couldn’t function at full capacity. Slowly it became the story of devastation, loss and survival I shared with those who earned the right to really know me. Now my story is one I freely share with anyone who wants to hear it; it is one of the truth of how hard healing grief is, hope that there can be something beyond the pain and celebrating rediscovered joy.
What is the energy of your current story? Why does it carry that energy? And is there any different energy you’d like to bring to it? Share with me!