Morning Musings

Inspired by Glennon Doyle’s commitment to write an hour each morning, I’ve decided to try a half hour through the end of the year. I just added the end of the year part so I have an out. So this is simply an experiment.

It resonated with me yet again when I heard her story for probably the 3rd or 4th time on her podcast last night. I already write and when I’m doing it I love it. Then I stop. I get swept up in the busyness of a day.

It felt a little bit like squandering my good vibe mornings to write first thing. Why? Well, once I actually dive in, writing leaves me feeling good, fully myself. I also wake up in the mornings with a clean slate ready to conquer my day…after a pot of coffee.  So why would I practice what pumps me up when I’m already pumped up?

Well….if writing is important to me shouldn’t I be making space for it in the most important part of my day instead of when I feel at my lowest, using it as a pick me up? Why should it be the final To Do instead of the first To Do?

Hmmm…..yea, the things I love most, those that feed my soul should be the priority not the medicine. Maybe if I give them the prime seat in my life they are due, I won’ need to use them as medicine.

Doyle posted her musings each day on a blog.  I’m wondering if that’s a good move for me or not.  Why would I? If the posts help people in some way, sure. If they bring in followers that help build up the ability for me to get my book into the world for anyone who could benefit from it, sure.  If it can bring in extra money so I’m not living month to month, sure. 

Why woudn’t I? Who really wants to read self-indulgent naval gazing on the regular?  Will I feel exposed and censor my writing if I know it’s public? Will people judge me and think I think too highly of myself?  Will people judge me, discovering how truly awkward and nerdy I really am?  Isn’t there more than enough content out there in this over exposed, living life through the Instagram lens?  Maybe there’s more value in the life lived quietly and privately and just for me and my inner world? Who am I writing for, myself or others?

As I typed out those questions I had rebuttals for everyone pop up in my head, which tells me I am indeed feeling called to post these, until I asked the final question, “Who am I writing for, myself or others?” I am writing for myself and in the writing for myself I also offer a vulnerability to others who may see similar struggle and victory in themselves.

And why do I have to justify any of it? I don’t. This is me processing my decision on whether to hit post. I guess I can today and see how it feels.  Maybe I’ll start posting every day, but not advertise it to the world. I’ll quietly slip them up in between the posts with content specifically designed to offer insight gained from life experiences.  Yes, that’s what’s feeling right for now. And I reserve the right to change my mind about posting. I don’t reserve the right to change my mind about the writing. I made that commitment to myself for myself, feeling the inner calling.

As far as the private thoughts and inner world go, I still have my journal where I can and do write the things just for me. It holds the still tender and raw bits. Those don’t need to go in this half hour of writing in the morning.  I know how to write in my journal, I’ve been doing it since the 5th grade. As an internal processor, the journal serves as my audience as I negotiate my way through the trials of life.  This will be different. This will be my writings as the observer, philosopher, and the reporter of my life.  

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