Space from what I Love

Sometimes a break from what I love helps bring back the passion.  I love my work. I love where I live. I love writing. I’ve never lost sight of those loves, nor taken them for granted. Having said that, it was only after taking a break from each of them that I’ve come back with a fresh set of eyes and renewed passion for each. 

The space between me and loves gave me a different view. Like seeing the forest instead of the trees. The progression of waves instead of one particular one. The feelings each one bring me easily without struggle or too much effort.

I love Kaua’i. The love affair was instant and lasting. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t take in some beautiful view expressing gratitude for this being my adopted home. I’ve also now lived here long enough that the struggles of every day life have wormed their way into my existence.  The high cost of living, the lack of opportunities, the inevitable relational challenges of simply being human and doing life with other humans. So when I had to leave recently, I was looking forward to disengaging from my every day life.

Within 24 hours I missed the ocean waves, the soft warm air, the friends who share similar values and interests. I yearned for the ability to run to the beach just for a half hour to re-set myself at any given time. I never took these things for granted, but I also didn’t understand how profoundly they nurture me day in and day out. For me they are not luxuries, they are food for my soul.

When I caught the vision for ‘Ohana Oasis I was unstoppable. I saw what needed creating and set about doing it. Sure momentary doubts and slivers of sanity crept in reminding me of the herculean task I’d taken on. It wasn’t until it was fully built and multiple retreats had been hosted that the shine began to wear off. I began questioning if this was still for me. It felt like weight I was carrying instead of the wind giving me flight. 

Since it was my creation, I felt a responsibility to keep ‘Ohana Oasis going as I searched within myself to understand this shift. I asked myself what parts of it were weighing me down and which still gave me inspiration. Finally, I gave myself permission to keep it going, but step largely away taking on other jobs and allowing for the possibility of its demise.  

In that space, a few things revealed themselves. It didn’t take long for me to recognize I hated, like in all CAPS hated… the fundraising aspect of the work. The less obvious one was, I no longer felt called and pulled to facilitate the retreats themselves. This was the part I’d most loved and now it felt like it no longer fit for me. In the acknowledging what I didn’t like, I also discovered what I loved and what I dreamed for in its future.  I’m now back on board 110% building it up, giving it my energy, time and wishes in even larger ways than ever before.

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