I remember just how deep your heartbreak and anguish feels right now. I know that every day you replay the minutes and hours after getting the call that our precious daughter stopped breathing at pre-school, and the day she breathed her last breath in our arms three months later. Those memories will always remain in my heart.
Have you ever had the perfect storm of situations in life colliding to the point where your whole body feels tense, your stomach tied in perpetual knots? You know that feeling of a shot of adrenaline coursing through your body when you have when you almost get in a car accident? Has your body felt that way and you couldn’t not feel it? On top of that, your mind circles around the same thing over and over and over. You can look at it and reason through it from every which angle. The only thing you can’t do is let it go and be at peace with it. (Ahem…anxiety anyone?)
One day I decided I’d had enough of feeling sad, of carrying around the burdens of trying to build a new life. I felt I had no answers, knowing nothing but that I was going stir crazy. I didn’t want to commit suicide, but I also didn’t really want to do life anymore.
My solution: I emptied my fridge and cupboards figuring I’d simply starve myself allowing my body to slowly wither away.
“Mom!” I didn’t answer immediately as the kids had all just got tucked in and I was trying to catch the opening dialogue of the newest episode of Alias. “Mom, come here please…” Alison called out. “Coming!” I replied, heading in during a commercial. Bedtime was easy in our home, everyone knew the routine andContinue reading “Grappling with Guilt”
Sometimes a break from what I love helps bring back the passion. I love my work. I love where I live. I love writing. I’ve never lost sight of those loves, nor taken them for granted. But it was only after taking a break from each of them, that I’ve come back with a fresh setContinue reading “Space from What I Love”